I'm Only Human
I haven't written a blog post in a well over a month because.......well, life! You know what I mean right? I do apologize for the absence, I want nothing more than for this to be a success, but there are days where life tries to drown me, and honestly I go into survival mode. I am already so over fall, hunting season, the holidays, gosh darn call of duty, projects, family obligations, errands, bills....the whole nine. And half of that isn't even here yet. I really do not consider myself an introvert, but this time of the year makes me want to lock myself up in my home with a keg of wine and not leave, at all, ever.......hiccup! I need a wine-cation, a massage, some sun, and quiet. Is wine-cation a thing? Well, it is now, #winecation.
Let's get real for a moment.
I am a wife. I am a mom of my own two children and three step daughters. I am a homeschooler, a housekeeper, a chef, a personal shopper, taxi driver, day planner, event coordinator, entertainer, and a million other things like so many other women today. I am exhausted most days, and although I love and adore my husband and children, sometimes I envision myself somewhere completely alone, with silence and a margarita. I crave that peace, stillness, and serenity that I often never find. I don't get to clock out at 5 p.m. like my husband does. He made the comment Thursday, as I was running the dishwasher and cleaning up the kitchen for the third time that day, "Yay, tomorrow is Friday, I can't wait for the weekend!" And I'm over here rolling my eyes, "yay the weekend", mocking him under my breath. He looks at me puzzled, and I have to explain that I don't get a weekend, a break from my every day. I will be doing the same thing Saturday, that I did yesterday, today and will be doing tomorrow. A woman, a mom's work is never done, whether you work outside or inside the home. There are still meals to be cooked daily, lunches to be packed, dishes to be done, laundry to be folded, arguments to resolve, lessons, planning, shopping, paying bills, picking up after the kids, bathes, and getting those little mini me's off to bed. By the time this happens you have a couple of choices; a) crash....hard, because you have to do it all over tomorrow. b) drink a glass of wine or a beer and sit down for a solid 30 minutes and possibly have a conversation with your significant other, before crashing. c) run around and get as much done as you can now that the children are in bed and not up your butt and hope you can still manage to accomplish something before you collapse, or d) sit down with your husband, grab a remote and stay up way longer than you know you should (while accomplishing nothing) because it is the only time you get "us" time and know that you will have to suffer the consequences the next day. None of these are ideal.
Which do you choose?
I've met women who get up before the kids do, who exercise and read a meditate. This sounds wonderful, but I honestly don't know how they do it. I would need at least 3 cups of coffee before I was even awake enough to do any of the above, and a nap after. I want these things, but I really have a hard time with two things; giving up my precious sleep, and my time with my husband.
I have days where I think that I have it easy, and I can't imagine being more busy than I am. I see mom's run around taking their kids to gymnastics and karate, soccer practice and baseball and they are gone and running around so many evenings and weekends and I can not fathom how they do not lose their ever loving minds. Sometimes I feel like I am cheating my children of some of these things, but holy crap, I might lose my mind right now if I tried more.
We all grow up with an idea from our mothers, grandmothers, older sisters, even fathers of what a woman is, should be, capable of, how to behave and what being a mom is supposed to be like. I honestly believe that there are many kinds of "super mom's" out there. They are all different, all special, and as individuals we are all capable of different things at different times.
Last year I was trying to find some meaning in my life, reclaim my body and health and I met a woman online named Sara who became my friend. She reminded me at one point in time when I felt so overwhelmed, defeated and like a failure, that you have to give yourself "grace". I am not, and can not do everything, all the time, by myself. I try, oh do I try, and then I feel like a failure when I can't. I have had to learn to give myself grace. It’s hard, but this is my one piece of advice to you today. If you are feeling overwhelmed, tired, alone, and stressed, especially around this time of the year, remember to give yourself “Grace”. Choose your battles, don’t sweat the small stuff, do what you can do today, the rest can be done tomorrow. Don’t break yourself!
All of this is especially true during hunting seasons because, some of us really feel the pressure. I feel like I haven’t even seen my husband in weeks. I mean it, weeks. He goes to work, comes home and either sits to relax or hops in a tree. I’m doing everything. Evenings… he’s gone. Weekends….gone. He’s in bed before me, and up and gone before me. He acts as if it is not that big of a deal, but I bet you money he would complain if I were gone and he was left to hold down the fort, as I do. It does make for a lonelier, and heavier load. I’ve been asked several times in the last few weeks/months where my husband is, and more often then not my response is, “In a tree”. Sounds funny to say out loud, and I get the head tilt, squinted eyes, confused look for a second, and then the look of understanding what I am saying.
Life has kicked me in the side the last few weeks and we have had some changes around here. I am doing my best to stay sane, and kind to all those around me. I’ve made sure to be more intentional with my own self care, which is important ladies…
Tomorrow is Monday, the start of a new week. We’ve got just a few weeks until Christmas, and a lot of changes taking place in the next few weeks here. I can’t wait to feel like I once again have more time to dedicate to you, and this blog. I can hate myself all day long for not blogging in a month, or, I can write and post when I have the time. I choose the second option, and I choose grace. Don’t beat yourself up ladies if you feel like you just aren’t getting it all done. I hope everyone had a decent weekend, maybe your husband or you brought home a deer or turkey. Stay warm and cozy, refresh and relax, Que the auto setting on the coffee maker, and start the week with a smile! Peace out!